Part 3: Your Home is Not a Storage Unit: Setting Boundaries with Non-Household Members

This is part 3 in a series about not using your home as a storage unit.  In part 1, we discussed how your home should be for living; it should be filled with items that you use now and enjoy having around.  In part 2, we reflected on whether or not we were storing any items for non-household members and what our motivations were behind those decisions.  If feelings of resentment surface, this is a sign that it may be time to make some changes.  In part 3, we will discuss how to set boundaries with those non-household members. 

​Your home is your home.  You have the right to choose what to keep there.  You get to decide if other people’s items get to take up space in your home.  As you reflect, do know that it does take time, space, and money to store other people’s things in your home.  You will need to spend time keeping up with them, organizing them, and cleaning them.  You pay for all of the space in your home, whether you are renting or owning.  You can choose to do so.  But you can also choose not to.  These reflections are not meant to make you feel bad about your choices.  They are instead meant to help you to take a step back to look at the situation, to sort out your own feelings and to ultimately be confident with the choices that you are making. 
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 Let’s say that you have decided that you have some items in your home that you are no longer interested in storing. 

1.  Who do those items belong to?  Of course, you should first make sure that they don’t belong to anyone living in your home.  Then, check in with other family members to find out.  You can send a picture and see who claims them. 
2. Do the owners still want the items?  I recommend getting their response in writing (for example, via email) so that there is no room for argument or blaming later on. 
3. Finally, set some boundaries.

 
Before you begin this conversation, you will need to reflect on a few things first.  Are you close to this person?  Do you already know what their motivation was for leaving their belongings with you?  What reactions or arguments can you expect back from them?  Where are they physically located and how easy will it be for them to take back their belongings? 

A conversation might start like this:
“I’ve got a few boxes of your items.  I am going to start using this room for _______ (a new hobby, working from home, exercising, a spot to wind down, etc.), and I will not have space to keep your boxes anymore.”  
 
Be kind, and be clear.  Keep emotions out of it: this is not a good time to be angry, sarcastic, or accusatory.  Pre-plan what you are going to say and do so calmly.  Assuming that these are friends or family and that you have a good relationship with them, feel free to include your plans for the space and your feelings about them.  These people care about you and want to support you:  “I love you, and at the same time, I won’t be able to keep your furniture anymore.” ​

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If, however, this is someone with whom you have a rocky relationship or you are not close to, you don’t need to give reasons.  Keep it short and simple: “I’ve got a few boxes of your items, and I will no longer have space for them.” 
 
The second part of this conversation is to create a plan.  With a close relationship, you can just ask them what they want you to do with the items:  they can pick them up, you can drop them off, you can mail them, etc.  Since these are someone else’s items, avoid doing something permanent with the items yourself.  It is better to have them donate the items themselves than for you to do it for them.  It is quite easy to end up in sticky situations where you are blamed for getting rid of things.  Also, they are the other person’s belongings, so they should therefore be responsible for taking care of them.  This is a key point in the KonMari Method™:  take care of your own belongings; don't throw out other people's things.  
 

Likely, you will want to set a deadline for them.  Often times, people who have left items at your home really don’t want to have to deal with them.  They would much rather just delay and avoid and leave them at your place.  Set a firm boundary.  “Please pick up your items by Dec 1, or I will drop them off.”  Be reasonable with your deadline.  People who live far away may need more time to make necessary arrangements. 
 
Finally, make sure to follow through with your own deadlines and boundaries.  While you may feel anxiety or fear around having these conversations and following through, if you’ve already done the work to sort out what items you want to keep in your home, you should feel some relief at following through and gaining back the space in your home. ​

Please reach out if you would like someone to help walk through this journey with you.  It can be extremely helpful to have an outsider to coach and support you along the way. ​​  Virtual coaching is available to help you work through your decluttering goals and challenges.  

You may also enjoy:

Blog Post Part 1:
​Your Home is Not a Storage Unit

Blog Post Part 2: 
Are You Storing Other People's Items in Your Home?

Blog Post: 
Keeping Seasonal Clothes in your Closet using the KonMariMethod™

Blog Post: 
Feel Great in Your Fall Sweaters!
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