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From the desk of Laura

Grief & Organizing: When should I go through my spouse's belongings?

4/1/2023

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Today we are going to talk a little bit about the intersection between grief and home organizing.  When a loved one passes away, we are often left to the task of not only grieving their absences but also facing the physical reality of their items left behind.  

When should I go through my spouse's belongings?  Notice the word "should".  This is not a math equation with one answer.  There is no one "right answer".  This is a very personal question that will vary.  Much like the grief process, each person will be ready to go through different categories of their spouse's belongings at different times.  
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More important than getting started at a prescribed "right time" is being in tune with yourself and how you're doing.  This is a sentimental category and an emotional category.  Even seemingly unimportant items like a toothbrush or handkerchief can be tough to get rid of.  It's hard losing one's spouse.  And our minds can make us anxious, thinking that keeping their physical items is the only way to remember the person.  It's important to give yourself so much grace during the process.  It may take a while and that's ok.  

When you do feel ready, set yourself up for success.  Get a good night's rest, drink plenty of water, eat a healthy meal.  Make sure that you are in a good place mentally and physically as you begin the process.  Enlisting the help of a friend, family member, or professional can also help give you the support and encouragement that you need.  Start with a category that you feel will be easier for you; use that success to help motivate you to continue.  

Some notes of caution.  As you go through the grief process, it is important to find a balance between honoring and cherishing memories of your loved one and continuing to live your life.  Leaving your home unchanged forever after your loved one has passed away can become a negative thing.  It's important to continue to live and have your home change with you over time.  It is natural for our homes to change over time as we move through different seasons of life, receive gifts, donate old items, and take up new hobbies.  Our homes and physical items are meant to support us in our lives and bring us joy.  

It is also important to move through this process within the context of community.  We need the encouragement, support, and wisdom of others.  Sometimes others are able to give us an outside perspective and gently help us along on our journey when we get stuck.  At the same time, always be wise and thoughtful about what advice to take; while advice is usually well-meaning, it may not always be the right choice for you.  Taking the advice to prayer is a good way to discern when it is right to follow through.  

If you are currently going through or thinking about going through your spouse's or a loved ones belongings, my heart goes out to you.  Know that you are not alone.  And continue to give yourself grace along the journey.  I pray that God's peace would surround and comfort you during this time.  

Laura Sinclair of Flourish Organizing Headshot
"Reorganizing Your Space and Finding the Right Time to go through your Spouse's Belongings"

An interview with Emily Jones of Brave Widow
Emily Jones of Brave Widow Headshot
I was recently interviewed for a program called Brave Widow, an online community for young widows. In the recording, I share about what I do as a professional organizer, tips for getting started decluttering your home, and how my faith fits in with my philosophy of organizing.  It can either be viewed as a Youtube video or listened to as a podcast.  


YouTube:
https://youtu.be/EGE70jajHHc

Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/brave-widow-show/id1654819220?i=1000604105011

Transcript of the recording/ Brave Widow Website:  
https://www.bravewidow.com/podcasts/brave-widow-show/episodes/2147892844
It was such a pleasure working with Emily to put together the podcast.  We had a lot of fun!  We hope that you will enjoy it too.  

Read more on the blog...

Green square with Flourish Organizing green leaf logo.  Text - Your home is not a storage unit... are you using it as one?
Blog: Are you Storing Other People's Things in your Home?
Branch of a tree covered with small pink flowers in the spring.  Text - The Best way to get something done is to begin.
Blog: How to get started organizing!
Headshot of Laura Sinclair of Flourish Organizing
Blog: How do you Organize a Whole Home?
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    My name is Laura, and I love all things organizing! 

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